Things I've seen today...

A little girl paying for two bouquets of flowers with her savings of 20p & 50p. The look of pure joy on her face when she told the cashier she saved up for her mum was beautiful!

An orange-coloured tweenager wearing a white coat and trying, miserably, not to rub the fake tan onto the coat

A school boy carrying a bag almost the same size as he is!

An old couple carrying what looked to be heavy bags on one hand, and holding each others other hand.

Sunlight glittering off pieces of broken glass.

Two men standing outside the pub on my corner, pint in one hand, heads lifted high, basking in the sun.

Kids dancing around a pole at the bus stop

People being... happy

Smiles

Joy

Love

Dance

Josef Fritzl - Evil personified!

I'm watching Sky News and all the talking heads are talking about Fritzl suddenly felt guilty about what he had done when he seen his daughter in court, and that's why he suddenly changed his plea.

I disagree. The man locked up his daughter for 25 years and never spoke to her for the first 9, even though he raped her 3 times a week. He deliberately made the prison he locked his daughter in. He controlled every aspect of her life, down to the air she breathed. He forced children on her, and took children she no doubt loved, even given the source, beyond her reach, living just upstairs. His power play even killed one of her children. His need for complete control terrorised his wife also, one who believed her daughter had run away, only returning to leave new babies on the doorstep.

When, after all these years, he was finally caught out, the power he had over his family was lost. But wait! After months waiting for a trial, the whole world wanted this man dissected and found out - questions answered and his humiliation complete. His family, although probably scared of the prospect of seeing this man again, I can imagine welcomed the chance to face him with their heads held high. He waited for his moment, telling no one, and his last grasp of control was revealed. Given his obvious disturbed mind, I doubt he is an idiot. He would have known he was going down for a very long time. No matter the plea, he would have been found guilty, the evidence was overwhelming. The only piece of control he would have had left is how he was perceived. He suddenly was overcome with guilt? No, he waited until his daughter was there to get her justice, and he snatched that away from her, all those unanswered questions would never be revealed. He would not go to a regular prison, where, no doubt, there will be plenty of family-loving criminals waiting on an audience with the maniac. He'll live out his life in a hospital, treated with kid gloves, because he's mentally unstable.

Again, I disagree. The man was too methodical, too careful. Some people will commit crime and they have no real control over their actions. Some people, like Fritzl, are just evil.

I hope the irony of being locked up for life will not be lost on him. And I hope he is locked up FOR LIFE.

Mostly though, I hope his family can move on and live their lives out form under the shadow of him.

I'm crazy busy!!

Well, that didn't last long. I'm out of a job. I'll explain all another time, of course, but right now I'm too happy to be that bothered about the abortion of a job.

I'm officially obsessed about Repo! The Genetic Opera. I've been looking forward to it for ages, but for some reason, the general public in America just didn't enjoy it, and it died a death. Luckily, some forward thinking folk have turned it into an *Experience* and it's quickly became a cult fave. The director, Darren Lynn Bousman (of Saw 2,3&4 fame) and co-creator Terrance Zdunich, along with Darren's fiancee Laura and LionsgateUK rep Luke, have done a UK road tour, ending last week in Glasgow. Of course, I went along - although I had just finished work and still had my uniform on (the shame!). I met them, and my fellow audience members, most of whom had dressed up as characters (and yes, I was jealous!!) and watched the movie, followed by a Q&A sesh, which was funny as hell (a drunken girl trying to get her words out was a particular bellygrabbing point!) Afterwards, we all headed to Nice & Sleazy's (the clue's in the name :P) and us Weegies got the Americans (and a certain English rep) good and drunk!

I do intend to do a proper review of the movie - but again, this isn't the point of this post. My point (and I'm finally getting to it!) is that I'm going to sort out a club night, theme of Repo! at either the Classic Grand, or, more likely, Cathouse. I want to start it soon, have people dress up, competions, and play music from the movie itself. Of course, there's alot to consider, but I really need to try this. I miss organising gigs!

Ideas? And/or suggestions?

Am I there yet?

So, I've been officially employed for 3 days. Already I know that it'll last a long time, because this job is a comforting mixture of "daily grind" and "career". I know I still want to own my own place, and in this current climate, it's just not possible. The world has too much debt, and so do I. I want to pay my dues, so to speak. In every cafe I've worked in, I've taken from it what I can, education-wise, and taught myself the rest. In Esquire's, being a franchise, they have the work ethic of an independent, with the job security of a chain. Here, I can just work, and learn, until the time I'm more able, financially, emotionally, physically, to look at my plans again.

I know this. I know it's a good plan. But after all this time, all this effort to find a job, any job, I still feel like I'm crawling at slow pace. I'm ecstatic I'm no longer on benefits (goodbye £66.11 a week!), and I'll feel amazing when I pay my first rent (weird I know), but still, when will things actually change?

I feel suspended in motion. Caught between the action and reaction. For about 4 years now, I've *just about* done... something. But I've never got there - yet. I've so many ambitions, and every time I try to reach for something, I'm held back by my own neuroses. I can't blame anything but that. I'm my own worst enemy. Even when the going's good, I still focus on the negative. For instance, I have a great boyfriend I love spending time with, but I complain about not seeing my friends enough. Completely my fault, and yet instead of doing something about it, I just complain. I love my new job, but I still feel like I've failed because I've not managed to get my own place yet. I have to remind myself that what's for me won't go by, as long as I continue to hold on and keep working towards it.

I'm only 24! I have to remind myself for that too! Alot of 24 year olds don't know what they want to do with their lives, nevermind have a *sort of* plan. I'm working hard to keep focused, and I have people around me that keep me sane. Patience is a virtue, I know. But so is self belief, and I need to work on that too.

Ok, maybe I should come back when I make sense. I'm babbling, so I'll stop now.

1407

I went to your funeral
Yet I see you everyday
In the faces of strangers
And they'll never know the beauty they possess
Was once yours alone

I hate looking at faded photos
Of who you used to be
And memories lose colour over time
I learned the lessons
You don't know you taught

You're a bigger part of my life
Than you were before
Every second now is a breath
You haven't took
Yet you're more alive to me than before

The colours still fade though
And time takes you further than I can reach
Every moment I know you're gone
Because I went to your funeral
But I still see you everyday