In which I blabber. Alot.

Yesterday I finally got the DVD I was in, a NuArt production for my local Housing Association to talk about the homeless people they re-home. I talked about it a few months ago, when I got all huffy over the fact that homeless people aren't treated with the dignity or respect they deserve, or in fact, need. I still feel strongly about it, but, for now, it'll have to be one more thing that's shelved until I can give it the time it needs.

And I will do it.

Eventually.

The DVD was quite good, and I think it would be very helpful to send copies to hostels around the city, to show that yes, there is hope for finding a place of your own. It certainly helped that I got the last word in it! They spoke to three other new tenants, beside myself, in our new homes, and each of our stories, while being very different, were oh so familiar. One guy said that his pride was what stopped him from asking for help at first, and man, I can sing that particular song!

With the DVD, I was also sent this lovely crystal paperweight with PHA's symbol and logo, which is "people, places, opportunities."

I've never known a logo to suit so well. The PHA treated me like a person, not another homeless reject, and provided me with a security I haven't felt in such a long time.With no emotional obligations to me, they simply treated me with decency, heard my story, and gave me a lifeline. A home of my own. Unless you've ever been  in a similar position - I pray you haven't even though too many are - I can't really articulate the feelings that coursed through when I knew I was seeing that light of the end of a very dark, very long, tunnel.

In it's most basic form - I was a person, given a place, which provided me with all my opportunities. I would not have a job I enjoy, my everloving and long suffering boyfriend now shares my address, my bed (as well as his DVD's!), in short, a comfortable life, and freaking snake of all things!

Seriously, how gorram cute is he? He's such a show off, loves the attention!

*BONUS PIC*

As soon as the camera is out, he's all, ooh, get me close up! heh heh

Anyway, sorry.... I was saying... PHA are awesome. I love my life right now and I've got them to thank for it. I'm glad I could say as much for them. As soon as I can, I'm going to try to put the vid, at least my parts, online. I'll have to ask them first, but I don't see there being a problem - hopefully!

Ok.

So.

Let's try this.

I'm not dealing with this very well, and that, in itself, it more of a shock than I anticipated. At first, I was more upset at the situation, and for the two main players than for myself, but now...

Today was a bad day at work. Not bad because it was a bad day at work, but because I spent the entire day merely existing, and floating through time in a way I've not been in a long time. I say it's a down swing, but it's swinging down too low for comfort. This is bad.

So I have to admit that this is affecting me. And this makes things difficult. Because it's now making me angry at the push into my shaky piece of mind.

But who, or what, to be angry at? I'm not angry at them, I think. There's no point being being angry at something no-one can control. It's just shit. And I know out of this, I'm not suffering even half as badly as they are.

But I'm heartbroken and I need something to blame it on.

Tomorrow will be an empty day.

a little procrastination....

My sleeping pattern is all outta whack. It happens, when I'm on holiday for a week and I know have internet access (did I mention that?) and maybe I slept all day today. 


It was a migraine-induced coma, ok? I couldn't help it. Honest.

Anyway, now we're done with recriminations and such, we'll turn our heads to why I'm actually typing this at 2.00am, in my nightie and with cold feet.

No, it's not Repo, although that's what got me out of bed. Seriously, I gave up trying to sleep (again) when I realised I was watching the movie in my head.


I'm that obsessed. But more on that another time.

I've started thinking about the fact I'm attending my lovely wifey's daughter's communion this Sunday. I want to look nice, and appropriate for a Church. But sadly, I've realised most of my attire is... well... not exactly conservative. So, I've done what any girl would do this time of night. I took to Polyvore.

I'm swerving towards wearing a dress. Just because.

I love green. Especially when it's exactly the right shade against my red hair not to make me look like a Christmas tree.

hippy green by MizSpoilt featuring Tribeca shoes

Items in this set:
vintage 1970s floral print maxi dress, 75 GBP
Tribeca Snick Snack - Green, $30
Ameko Weave Leather Clutch Bag, $145
Monsoon Accessorize - Turquoise Chunky Multi Bangles, 18 GBP
Vanilla Skies Parasol, $50

Grey and pink is quite lovely, this time of year too ...

grey nude by MizSpoilt featuring Oasis dresses

Items in this set:
Pyramid Dress, 80 GBP
ELEONORA, 240 GBP
Alexander mcqueen bags GREY, 350 GBP
Swarovski crystal rose ring, $495
Women's Accessories, Women's Belts & Scarves | Reiss Clothing Online, 69 GBP

ok, ok, I got side tracked...

I spend way too much time online.

But the hunt for an appropriate outfit will continue tomorrow!

Cheerio!

Ok, enough of the springform

I'm two days into my holiday and I think I've done the right level of relaxing and housework. But then, I would! I can't believe how much has changed in the few weeks G has been here, and really, it's exciting as it is frustrating to find space for his stuff! I joke, kinda. Right now, my home smells  and feels like a laundrette, I'm washing everyone we own because I think my skin doesn't quite like the last detergent I was using... itchy! It's a beautiful day outside, and I've got this feeling of... oh, I don't know... contentment. I know there's other things I could be doing, but right pottering about the house and listening to old favourites like this or this feels like exactly what I should be doing. I kinda love forgetting how much I love certain bands, because re-discovering them is such a treat.

You know what's weird? I write ALL the damn time when I'm on a down swing, like I need to get it out and maybe I'll not feel so desperate. But when I'm happy, I feel like, not I don't have anything to write, more I shouldn't write about it. It almost feels like I'm aware people know I'm just that little crazy, but if I'm happy about something, I shouldn't rub other people's faces in it. We all talk about about the fact we're miserable, even if the facts remain secret. But when the opposite occurs, the simple fact is we (or at least *I*) don't feel entirely comfortable telling the world that yes, I am doing quite well, thank you.

So yeah. I've made peace with my problems, and continue down a merry path of life. It's real, there's cracks in the pavement and I'm trying to walk with a surer step, careful not to slip, but if it happens, I know I can pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again. I'm not as scared of falling now. I know it'll happen from time to time, particularly when I'm not paying much attention. I'll get too distracted by simply living my life to worry about the cracks in the road all the time. I'd rather just fall occasionally than be on constant alert, not fully experiencing everything life is offering me because I'm too nervous about the outcome.

Being sensible is not the same as being on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I refuse to watch life from a distance just because it's safer. I want to fully participate in my life. I want to fuck up occasionally, because even now, I don't regret a single decision I've made, because it's led me here. Emotionally, mentally, physically.

The truth I've fought so hard to ignore is simply this. I'm not perfect. I wouldn't even want to be, really. Too much effort for not enough pay-off. And it would piss people off, being so damned perfect. I'll pass on that. It would breed an arrogance I just don't have in me. I'd rather be fallible. Imperfect. Real.

Plus... just think of those mistakes that'll turn into something amazing. I'm sure there's a few more of them in my future, providing I'm not too careful :P

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