I'm back. Sorta. I've done the same ole, hiding when things are getting too tough. Don't get me wrong, things aren't exactly better, but I'm sick of (yet again) feeling sorry for myself. I want to do more than exist again. Next week (Thursday to Monday) sees me at the Gathering, and lordy do I need the holiday.
For just over a month I've been homeless again. No-one's fault really, I've still not had a sniff of a job, and given the employment market, that's no surprise. I ran outta things to sell to make rent, and I couldn't put that pressure on my fantastic flatmates. Very quickly, we've became a little family, and I see that continuing even though I no longer live there. There's no blame, just an understanding that times are tough. I've been bouncing from place to place, and the economic climate means that since there's many, many people in situations as bad as mine, if not worse, hostels and b&b's are full. I've been told I'll just have to continue to couch surf until at least November. It's tough, but it could be worse. I've got a solid base of friends, most of whom I've been neglecting horribly in my "feeling guilty and sorry for myself" phase. At least I know I'm not out on the streets. I doubt anyone of them would allow that to happen, thankfully.
So, yet again, I need to sign paperwork, deal with various agencies such as the Homeless Unit, GAM-H (Glasgow Association for Mental Health), and loads of Housing Associations throughout the city. I'm emotionally and physically knackered most days, truth be told, when I stop for two minutes all I want to do is sleep. It's exhausting and costly being homeless! I've had to stop actively seeking work, I won't get the help I need if I'm in employment, which seems to me an idiot idea. I want to move forward, not backwards.
There's been alot of talk, given my various mental health issues, on whether or not I could cope with having a tenancy. I mean, c'mon! My needs are simple, and shouldn't be so hard to attain. I want somewhere I can make my own, nothing fancy, just a wee small somewhere I can lock my door and do my laundry, cook, and sleep. A little piece of me. I need that stability to go and know I'm either looking for or in work, earning my own way, paying my own bills, and making my home pretty with things I worked for to buy. A routine. Nothing special, except to me. A job I enjoy, a home I love.
I have to believe I'll get there. Otherwise, what the hell else am I going for?