Friday, 25 June 2010


Tomorrow I'll be having a birthday party, and my house will be filled with most of my nearest and dearest. My kitchen is clean and tidy, except the little counter top with all my baking stuff (I'm making peanut butter cookies). I need to tackle the little corner in my hall, obviously, putting random stuff there so I'll deal with it hasn't exactly worked... for 3 weeks. Eek.

So. Yeah. I'm supposed to be tidying. So why am I sitting here instead, I hear you ask.

Hello. Have we met?

I'm alone and I have internet access.

I'm also putting off doing that hall. It will involve going downstairs to the bins, and to the charity shop.

And do you know what? I actually got my act together and went to film the flat for your viewing pleasure (and to show off our new TV) and guess what? I couldn't find the bleeping camera. Grrr.

Right, I'm off. Honest. Need to polish, hoover, and then I won't feel so bad pampering myself tonight.

Either that, or I'm going to go play Super Mario 3.

I'll never tell ;)

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

It's worthy of a blog post!

So, I'll be blogging and videoing later, but I have some very exciting news.

I. Am. Cooking. Tonight.


Not Gof, who, I'm lucky to say, LOVES cooking.

What I don't like though, is whenever I do try to cook, Gof hangs over my shoulder and asks me what I am doing/how I'm doing it/why I'm doing it/don't you think you should...


So, he's barred from MY kitchen tonight.

I'm cooking.

And what am I cooking?

Well, I'll be buying...

Red onion
Brown rice


I'll take pictures later!

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Today, I am 26

I've still got a lot of growing to do. Each truth I discover throws up more questions and mistakes I've yet to make.

I will inevitably let people down. I don't like it, and will strive to make sure it doesn't happen, but I know that the more I learn about myself, the more likely my ideals and motives will change and with that, essentially invalidating contradicting and until then, completely sincere promises.

It's not nice to know that about myself. But, I suppose, at least I know.

But anyway....

I don't care as much about losing weight as I do about feeling fit. You may think it's the same thing, but it isn't.

I seek strength from my closest friends, and can't help mother some of them.

I want exactly what I have, squared.

I still don't want kids.

I will never be sick of feeling the grass between my toes.

Or laughing at dirty jokes.

Or hearing my nearest and dearest laugh, for that matter.

I love finding common ground between me and new people in my life.

As much as I love my holiday, I'm almost missing work.

I still love Zero 7.

I love surprising people, in the nicest of ways.

Stephen Fry is THE MAN.

I'm sick of the Go Compare ads.

I want ice cream.

And that's just today! Thoughts and feelings that may have occurred to me before, some new - but all have been on my mind today.

Happy Birthday to me. I'm grateful for so much, and can't wait to see what this year brings.

Tuesday, 15 June 2010

I dreamed we were there. The plane leapt the tropopause, the safe air, and attained the outer rim, the ozone, which was ragged and torn, patches of it threadbare as old cheesecloth, and that was frightening. But I saw something that only I could see, because of my astonishing ability to see such things: Souls were rising, from the earth far below, souls of the dead, of people who had perished, from famine, from war, from the plague, and they floated up, like skydivers in reverse, limbs all akimbo, wheeling and spinning. And the souls of these departed joined hands, clasped ankles, and formed a web, a great net of souls, and the souls were three-atom oxygen molecules, of the stuff of ozone, and the outer rim absorbed them, and was repaired. Nothing's lost forever. In this world, there's a kind of painful progress. Longing for what we've left behind, and dreaming ahead. At least I think that's so.
-Harper Pitt, Angels In America

Sunday, 13 June 2010

And, I'm gone.

I had to do it. I really don't know what else to say, that won't sound horrible or bitchy. I respect that change happens, but to happen so damn quickly, casually tossing aside thoughts and feeling I long held to be important... I couldn't, and won't, be a part of it. I see things only from my point of view, as everyone does, and I can't stop feeling the way I do. It might be wrong, but it's my instinct, and I ignore that at my peril. I did try to ignore, stop reading between the lines, but I don't know how something so special twisted into something painful.

Is it really so important that I'm around? It doesn't seem so, and I'd rather not push a connection that seems to be severed beyond all repair. Simple fact is, logical or not, any decision made impacts more than can ever be predicated. It's the sad side to ripples in the water, far reaching consequences of a decision made to benefit the self.

Maybe it's a testament to the importance someone holds, even when they don't realise it. Put on a pedestal and unwittingly disappoint when it's revealed you have flaws like anyone else.

Regardless. This wasn't about taking sides. It never was. I took the decision to remove myself from more upset, more anger, and what was fast becoming hate. I never expected those sort of feelings to arise in this friendship, and I would rather leave it alone now, than it descend into a mutual headlock where nothing can be salvaged because I can't bring myself to agree with the choices you have made.

The funny thing is, in my position, I suspect you'd feel the very same.