Monday, 27 April 2009

Little list

Reason to be cheerful...

Sitting here, typing away and sipping coffee.
The sun being that little bit brighter, and warmer.
My nails freshly painted
My deliciously tacky t-shirt that declares "They're real and they're SPECTACULAR!"
Looking at new tattoos, I'm treating myself for my birthday!
Carmex tingling on my lips
Random texts from my Love
Watching a load of youtube videos of my two favourite gurus, Josh ((petrilude) & Leesha (xsparkage)

dancing to my own tune....

Sunday, 26 April 2009


Not feeling too great today. Nothing serious, just sneezy with a swollen throat, nothing I can't handle! As a silver lining, I've only had kiddie sized portions of my meals today, as *ahem* swallowing is difficult, and I've realised I'm not any hungrier as a result. My stomach is definitely shrinking, and along with the fact there's now a Wii (and Wii Fit) at both G's and my own place (thank Shaz, new flatmate, for that!) I'm able to get a half decent workout of Step Aerobics and Yoga in each day.

Today though, I've had a little go on the Step, but mostly I've been napping, and demanding hugs off of my always eager to please man'o'mine G. I'm such a brat when I'm feeling lousy.

Scratch that. I'm always a brat. I demand huggles all the time!

Right now, I'm wasting time as G takes his shower, then I'll be taking mine, before snuggling up once again and drifting off on G's BRAND NEW BED.

I say brand new, it's about a week old, but wow! What a difference! No more sore backs! The new bed in his room has inspired him to sort out the rest of the place, since moving in, he's done very little (men!) but all week, and especially today, he's been buzzing about full of energy while I die slowly in the corner.

Except not the last part.

Still, I'm very proud of him, and thankfully that his spring cleaning mood extends to my new place, which will very much be a work-in-progress for some time yet. I'll talk more about my new flatmates soon, but suffice to say, they are absolute gems, and want to turn our happy flat into a lovely home built for three (and their friends!)

Ok, enough for now, it's nice to write randomess, but the shower, and more importantly, G, My Love, is too.

Good night folks


Little by little, my life is becoming more beautiful...

Thursday, 23 April 2009

New Flat

I'd like to welcome you to my new place... come on in... don't be shy! I've got loads to show you, loads of pictures of my new attic flat!

Come on, up the stairs, I know it seems quite dark, but look! Look up! See that sky light? That's a box skylight in my flat!

Nearly there now... just at the front door and up the last of the stairs! Oh, here's the skybox from inside!

But if you look inside, you can't see the stairwell... it's too bright in here.... never a bad thing!

Oh, the kitchenette looks alittle untidy! A quick 5 minutes and it'll look lovely again. It's good having such a small kitchenette, even the small amount of dishes, drying on the side, make the place look untidy, so it's always kept clean. Little and often, and we're happy!

If you look to the left, you'll see the dining area, the table top is actually a door! It's supported by an intricate metalwork, and it's my summer project to make it beautiful again!

Did you spot the armoured dummy behind the table? My flatmate makes and buys real and realistic armour, and this dummy (let's call him Sir Harold of Ruskin) serves and protects our happy family! He also serves as a hat stand, but he is dutifully proud of his station!

To the right, is the sitting area. We have a huge projector screen that we also use as a pc monitor. Right now we're listening to Pantomime by Incubus, and Brandon Boyd, shirtless, on a huge screen? NEVER a bad thing! When I'm not lusting over handsome half naked men on the screen, I enjoy the New York landscape wallpaper behind it... just alittle something else to make me feel like Carrie!

That'll be all for today darlings, I'm still settling in... but please do come back soon to see more, and maybe the weather will be nice enough to go shopping to all the ickle vintage shops and oddles of charity shops there are around here.

I think I'm home.

Friday, 10 April 2009

Change sneaks up...

Well, I'm fleeing. Kinda. I'm moving into a new place tomorrow, and it's all sorts of crazy cool! It's a loft conversion, and in a beyoootiful town house, which, when I'm walking into the building, makes me feel like Carrie in Sex and the City!

I've been booted, rather than I jumped, but really, it was a matter of time before I worked up the courage to admit I had to go. So I don't mind so much. The one thing that's bugging me is I'm trying to do this over the Easter Weekend, which is very awkward, to say the least! But I'll give it a go. I'm surrounded by friends who wanna help me get the hell outta Dodge, so I'm lucky! I'll be taking picture of the big move in, and post them next week!

Right now though, I'm eating lunch (leftover Chicken Spaghetti) and I'm about to go get ready, and visit the flat again, to get my keys and sort out some space for the Big Move tomorrow!

Chapter 1234550294 of My Life - Living it up in the West End! starts tomorrow :D

Wednesday, 8 April 2009


Nothing makes any sense! I want to work - but no-ones hiring. I want to earn my OWN way. I want a house I can call a home.

I can't have that, so I need to stay on benefits. I say stay, but I can't get back fucking on them!!!! In the WEEK AND A HALF I was gainfully employed, the DWP had a shake up. Now, there's a new claim, called Employment & Support Allowance, and it seems half the employees I deal with want to "Rapid Reclaim" me back to Income Support, and the other half want to stick me in this new claim. All the while, I receive NO HOUSING BENEFIT so my arrears are building up, I can't pay Julie anything towards the bills because I've no money AT ALL, I'm living off Gof for food, and YET AGAIN I'm sinking deeper and deeper into debt.

I can't keep doing this. I'm sorry, but I can't.

The need to flee is getting stronger.

In an emo state of mind...

But don't tell anyone!

I'm listening to Paramore, feeling all bejiggery... and in sort a mood that makes me want to paint my eyes and fluff up my hair, go dancing.

I want to forget the money problems, the paperwork, the jobhunting, the feeling that I'm still not doing enough.

I'm not happy. But I'm not sad either. I'm bejiggery, my dear.

I need to take a big deep breath and start again.

But first I want to go dancing.

But maybe not at 2.48 in the morning. Maybe soon.

I'm putting myself to bed now.

Goodnight folks...

Monday, 6 April 2009

My mama, the hero

This is my mum. Her name is Anna. When I was younger, about 9, 10 years old, I came home from school and seen my mum washing the entrance to our building, and her hair was cut very short. I refused to speak to her for ages. I don't know why I was so annoyed, but I was. My mother's hair was long and beautiful, and she just didn't look like my mummy anymore. I was in a huff for weeks. My mum loves to tell that story, she continues to be amused by my petulant behaviour over her hair.

Fast forward to today, or more specifically, a few weeks ago. My mum lives in Wales, and I miss her every day. She's been quite ill, but even given the severity of her condition, her heart is still so big, and she still thinks of other people before herself. So when she discovered that a little girl, who lives down the road, has a heart condition and needs a machine to help her, my mama forgot her own pain and threw herself into helping raise the money. A few weeks ago, my mum done this....

Yup, she had her hair cut, then shaved, for the little girl. By doing this, she pushed aside her own, quite considerable problems, and done something that makes her the wonderful, selfless person she is, and has always been. I couldn't be there, to support her in this in person, but my sister, Lynzi was.

You can see, she is as proud of mum as I am.

Soon, I will have a paypal button, so that if you wish to donate towards the heart machine, you can. But firstly, I wanted the world to know what an amazing woman my mother is.

I love you mama.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Make up sesh...

I'm supposed to go make up a model for a photographer friend of mine. The shoot is outside. And she'll be nude. And it's raining.


Wish us luck!

Friday, 3 April 2009

Should, woulda, coulda....

I should be

getting bathed and ready

writing a list of stuff I need to get done this weekend

getting my hair cut

getting a quick wii-rk out

e-mailing Lionsgate

But instead, I'm wrapped in Gof's comfy dressing gown, drinking a cuppa tea, and heating up the remains of last night's dinner for lunch and procrastinating online.

To hell with it... I'll catch up quickly enough - it's only Friday once a week!

*random thought...mmm.... banana milkshake.... wantie*

over and out.

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Feeling restless..

Again, I know. I suck. I'm stuck between wanting stability and a need to feel free. Letting go of most of my worldly goods, back at Tarfside, then again at the hostel, then Fleming, and lastly when I moved into Dalmuir, was always easier than I always thought. I miss my friends like mad, but I've survived without having them around. I CAN cope without them. I'm fantasising about a flat by the sea, a sure sign I need something consistent and solid. Yes, water is neither solid or consistent as such, but being near the water always grounds me, calms me down. I can breathe and slow down without feeling like I should be doing something!


I know what I mean.


In the other corner though, is the burning desire to get back into Glasgow, back in the thick of things, lose myself in the whirlwind of endless appointments, interviews, social life, going here, there and everywhere and only stopping to sleep. Don't think too much. No analysing of the whys and wherefores.

I don't think I've got it all figured out in my head. I just know I feel trapped in a cage of my own making. I've got the key, but I'm afraid to use it. Everytime I move on, leave someplace, I lose something dear to me, and soon, I don't think I'll have anything left.

I suppose, when that happens, I can do what I want, for I'll have nothing left to lose.

But will I be happy about it?