Saturday, 31 January 2009

Major league rant *BEWARE SWEARING!!*

Ok, I'm in Lady H mode. Let me explain. Lady H is an alter ego my friends created a few years ago as a result of my almost draconian methods of making them clean their house/do something they don't want to do but should. I also use it on people I can't be bothered to pretend to like.

I'm a horrible person really.

Thing is, I've not been Lady H in a LOOOONG time. Gof, and general happiness, has granted me the patience and rose tint view I was lacking in then. I forgive alot more, although I still prefer a clean house! I keep threatening G and his flatmate with a Lady H appearance, but they insist on living like Men Behaving Badly... and I just don't really mind that much.

So, Lady H. Scary woman. When I say I've not been in Lady H mode in a while, it's not strictly true either. She reared her evil head on December 2nd, when my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her via MSN. After 4 years, that is the best he could do. Lady H was NOT amused. Especially since said idiot ex was also a so-called friend of mine, and I rooted for their relationship, and was embroiled in the whole mess whether I liked it or not. So Lady H wrote this little ditty in a VERY public forum (aka myspace)

I've always been devil's advocate for you - no more.
I've stood up for you when other people bitched - no more.
I've tried to understand why you hurt yourself, why you hurt her - no more.
I'm done.

You've fucked up big time, this time. If you could see what I see, you'd know why I can't forgive this one. But you only think about yourself. You're so fucking emo - only happy when it rains? Drown in it you bastard. You go near her again and I'll castrate you. Go destroy yourself and leave her in peace this time.

Not only have you lost the only one who loved you no matter what, you've lost an ally you never realised you had. No more friend, no more sticking up for you. I'll tell you again - just so you're absolutely sure - you so much as glance in her direction again and I'll rip your eyes out. I'll tear you apart. I won't just kill you, I'll annihilate you.

Enjoy your sad, empty life dickwad.

Lady H meant every damn word of it. Miz? She felt a bit guilty after a few weeks, and eventually made peace with him. I'm glad I did, don't get me wrong, but I'm also glad I wrote what I did. I was angry for my friend, for me, and I laid the blame solely at his door. I think he did too, actually, which is why he was willing to accept my anger, and my *almost* apology, and move on. We're not great, as yet, and although I hold no real anger toward him now, it might be a while before we have a true friendship, if at all. I'm not sorry, but it did get me thinking.

I'm loyal. Right now I'm fucked off at a certain someone and he doesn't know it because I'm trying so hard to remain impartial (or at least pretend to be).

Break ups are hard, and hurt so much, I get it (believe me) but shouting your side of the story isn't going to help. Discuss your feelings with close friends, sure, I get that, but drunken arguments, in public, in front of mutual acquaintances, forces people to take sides. Where some, shall we say details should remain private for the benefit of both concerned, don't whisper in someones ear, to be repeated, and exaggerated with each telling. You're not giving your relationship the respect it deserves by babbling to all and sundry. You're hurting that one person you once loved beyond all reason. And you're doing it to garner sympathy from people you hardly know, people who, too, will eventually get sick of your games and leave you dancing in your own little pity party. Funny story - even though I live with the lady in question, I only know what I know through the stories I've heard whispered. I, at first, told her what was being said, but now I keep the gossip to myself. It hurts her, and she's been through so much already. I don't care if these things are true or not, and more to the point - I shouldn't. It's none of my business, and neither is it anyone elses. But still, people take sides, and even in my anti-side stance, I'm taking hers for that very reason. I've heard her on the phone, trying to talk, and trying not to cry. I've asked her if she wants to talk about it, and she rarely says yes. When she does, she doesn't bitch. Way to keep at least a modicum of dignity. Yeah. So I do. Bitch, I mean. I'm so angry, and yeah, taking sides.

I don't want or need stories. I don't want to take part in a break up that's essentially BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE. I don't want to decide which side in the sand I need to stand on. I don't want to end one friendship because I don't agree with methods or motives.

But if my hand is forced - I'd pick her. Grow up. She has. Move on. She has. And stop having a fucking tantrum, because I'll start. And Lady H isn't to be messed with.

Her tantrums are legendary.

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