Tuesday, 4 May 2010


It's a strange sensation to know that no matter what decision you make, chances are you'll regret it. I'm in a bit of conundrum. See, I've had a disagreement with someone close to me, and I've came to the conclusion our friendship is over. Since the disagreement, neither of us has contacted the other, and I'm not sure that's a bad thing. Which is rather horrible, now that the dust, at least for me, has settled. The conundrum stems from the fact that I'm aware they probably have no idea how I feel about the situation, and really, I have no idea how they feel either. Are they still mad? Upset? Feeling awkward? Uncomfortable? I really can't call it and until I man up and make the first contact, I'm not gonna know. I've even wrote about it, for pete's sake (who *is* pete anyway?) - and it'll never see the inside of this blog. If anyone will read it, it'll be them. It's not an apology really, more a way I could get the thoughts swirling around my head down so I didn't have to think about it anymore. Didn't work. I've resigned myself to the fact I feel this way about it, and I'm torturing myself by constantly analysing it. But I literally can't help it. I'll be at work, and my job is pretty non-taxing, mentally, so I think about other things, and right now, unfortunately, this keep popping into my head until I get upset and hide in the staff toilets for a while.

 I feel sick, and shaky, at the thought of even contacting them, for Christ's sake! Going on panic stations! It's ridiculous! This person is/was my friend, and even given how things might stand between us, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want to cause me a panic attack and yet, I'm working myself into such a tizzy I'm scaring myself.

Fuck it. I'm texting.

Right now.


Fuck. No idea what to say.

A message pretending none of it happened?

An "I hope all is well" text?

A blatant "Right, is all this nonsense over with"?

Or should I be REALLY lame and ask if we're still friends?


Minefield, friendships.

What's the difference?

Whatever I choose will probably be wrong, so I may as well pick a way and just do it. It's been over a fucking week.

Wonder what'll happen.

No comments: