Friday, 5 June 2009

So much to say...

... and even though it's affecting my life, it's not my business to talk about in a public forum. Sucks, but I'd rather keep on the good side of the person in question. Still, I can say that this huge cloud has a silver lining, not least of all because it's brought my family closer together again, and that's always a good thing.

Yeah, so.

I've got my jacket on, ready to leave Gof's and get up to the Jobcentre to deal with yet more paperwork. Frankly, I just want the whole thing over with, I have a new job, it's going well, and along with Repo, things seem to be moving along quite nicely. Ask me again at the end of the month! I've decided to live alittle less stressed, and I've let go of the anger I didn't realise I was still carrying. Anger, not only to those people who have hurt me, but towards myself too. I'm trying too much, too hard, and pushing towards a dream I will never see realised, so it's time to move on.

I will ask nothing of anybody, I've realised that...

I like it.

So, this thing that has just happened, the mystery I allude to, sorta forced me to see things from a different angle. I understand, always, that there are 3 sides to any given story, a's side, b's side and the actual truth without bias. Maybe I thought I was taking the high road but not talking about it to those mutual friends who might have been caught in the crossfire, but really, I was just harbouring secret sorrow and doubt. I've just witnessed, first hand, how that feels. When you know someone you love is sad but you don't know why. I witnessed too, how it eats you up inside without you even realising it.

I refuse to do that to myself anymore. I'm getting proper help. No more pause pills, no more hiding. An honest lifting of the veil, without drama. I've been offered a chance, a hope, and I'm grabbing it.

No more sorrow.
No more pretending.

This ending tastes deliciously like a new beginning.

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