Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Just the shock I needed...

So I've been bitching about losing weight for a while. I'm happiest at a (UK) size 12 and right now, I'm a 16. I've been this size about a year now, and I'm hating it. I'd kinda love to be one of those woman who love their bodies regardless of the size, but honestly, I don't.

I don't look in mirror unless it's to focus on my face for make up. I don't like getting my picture taken. Out of sight, out of mind. I may bitch about being fat, a size 16, but whats that? 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, etc, it's only numbers. I can't really see the shape my body is. Like I said, I don't take pictures of myself.

But last weekend, someone did, on my phone. I don't remember who it was (another reason I've given up the demon drink for now) and I don't remember it being taken. All I know is, when I just put all my pics from my phone onto the computer, I saw it, and have sat here crying for 10 solid minutes.

I... I didn't realise I was so big.

Now it all makes sense. My back constantly hurts, I feel constantly bloated and I just feel so lethargic all the time. My skin is in a state, and even my second chin now has a third.

Game over.

I've had a few shots on the wii fit, I enjoy it, but I still eat crap. Wheat-filled crap. This can't be allowed to continue.

So, to shame myself into actually doing something this time, I've decided to do it publicly.

For comparison... (and yes, G is grabbing my ass. I'm lucky that I have a man who wants me at any size!)

The only picture I have on this pc at my ideal size to begin, then... me, drunk, on Friday night.


Just the shock I needed.

Today, I am 13 st 11lbs.

Ask me again in two weeks.

1 comment:

magestic-kitten said...

Hunny, we'll do it together. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to figure out a lot of things, one of which is my extreme fluctuation in weight. I think you're lovely regardless if that helps any :)

<3 <3 <3